i feel like a stupid fool.
hols now. friday! and i havent done anything that i'm proud of. i have skipped children's camp comm meeting today. and im gonna skip it tmr again. and im skipping the outreach tmr in church. i mean how pathetic and low can i go man. all for a soccer match. what can i say. i wonder where my priorities lie sometimes. whether i live up to my commitments. i just like wander from time to time. and say ill do this and ill do that. maybe ive never had the situation where i had more den one thing on at one time. but. i should still stick to my commitments! at least. thats the least i could do. instead of running away and doing what i deem as correct and justifiable at that point in time. many ppl are gonna like discredit me for WHATEVER choice or priority i set. its just the matter of WHO would look down on me with that dirty eye or look. whats new huh. im just destined to lead this kinda life. once i joined soccer.
soccer camp took up ALL my time this week. practically. caused me to miss rehearsals so joshua got another guitarist. and stuff. i feel im missing out on SO much because of soccer in jc. i dunno lar. i love the game. but i do question to what extent. hm. or maybe im just giving in to pressure. who ever applies more pressure on me wins my support. or stuff. i dunno! im like lost in this little world of myself. stuck. havent touched a single piece of hol hw. gonna like rush and hurry and try to finish it. lucky mon no tuts. den tues and wed orientation. so no need to rush that much. hahaha. -feels happy for a while-
i feel sad. im giving up one aspect of my life for another. is it a new chapter?
or will it just make me appreciate the prev one so much better. i wonder.
sometimes i feel as though i need to change myself. bow to social norms. do less 'disgusting' stuff. be more like a normal civilized person. act like one. and just blend in with the crowd. sure. being inconspicous is the aim of many a person. but some just like attention. im not one of them. im just uttering rubbish right now. am very tired. but. i wonder if i should change. or just remain the same. same old stupid lousy boring loud ignorant idiotic irritatant ugly me. ah. the sadness of it all. bah. shall try not to bow down to peer pressure.
ppl should appreciate those who do what they want when they want
and not bemoan them just because they dun like what ppl are doing.
GET A LIFE OF YOUR OWN.
sorry im going mad. cranky. shall go sleep.
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